DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN: UNCOVERING THE MYTH – Devesh Khandelwal

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST MEN: UNCOVERING THE MYTH

ABSTRACT

“Stop crying like a girl!” “Pink?! That’s a girl’s color! Are you gay?” “Cried during a movie? Oh, you are so gay!” “You want to pursue Arts!? That’s a girl’s stream! Boys only pursue Commerce or Science!” Classic lines that have been prevalent for a very long time, and each one of us has heard these while growing up. Among them, every boy’s favorite line is “real men don’t feel pain,” which comes with a disclaimer, “don’t try this at home,” because real men do feel pain. They cry, they laugh, and they also feel hurt.

Both men and women suffer from various crimes around the world, including domestic violence. The subject of domestic violence against men has not garnered as much attention as that of domestic violence against women, especially in countries like India, where patriarchy rules. When someone talks about domestic violence, we often say, “what did she do to deserve a man like him?” It always comes down to women as victims, and it never crosses our minds that even men can be subjected to cruelty by women.

One out of six men is a victim of domestic violence. Even though men are considered the epitome of power and the only ones who can use force, women are supposed to sit at home wearing bangles, as they can never use force. Similarly, men who are victims of violence, especially by a woman, are called ‘women’ or ‘sissies.’ If there is a man-to-man ruckus, both men are studs. If the same ruckus is woman-to-man or vice versa, men are called ‘poor little girls,’ and women are called ‘sherni.’ That’s the duplicity of the society we live in, where the whole world is supporting women, and women are abusing all this power and protection. There is an urgent need for laws to protect men who are victims of violence, as these are not even recognized by society, let alone the law.

Keywords: domestic violence, gender-based violence, stigma, men, physical abuse.

INTRODUCTION Shivam was perceived as a strong man who carried the hidden burden of physical abuse by his wife, Radhika. Her public life was all charming, but behind closed doors, she would beat him. Shivam, fearing societal judgment, just suffered in silence while concealing his wounds.

One day, Radhika’s rage knew no bounds, leaving Shivam completely thrashed. After realizing that he couldn’t endure it alone, he sought help from a friend, and with support, he broke free from the toxic cycle.

This is just one story of how men endure violence, fearing societal judgment and pressures from their families. Domestic violence is a global issue. It is not limited to women only. This stereotypical society can never believe that women can be violent and men can be victims too. It’s prime time that our society learns “not every man is a tyrant, not every woman is poor.”

Not only physical harm, but domestic violence also includes verbal, psychological, and sexual abuse. Several men endure this pain all by themselves without anyone knowing to this date. They stay silent because they are scared of being considered outcasts or becoming a joke among their own friends and colleagues. Eventually, one day when they cannot take it anymore, they die, believing it is better to die than live in shame.

Furthermore, in every aspect of the law, there is no provision that deals with men who are victims of domestic violence. Even the Domestic Violence Act of 2005 describes itself as “an act to provide for more effective protection of the rights of women guaranteed under the Constitution who are victims of violence of any kind occurring within the family and for matters connected therewith or incidental thereto.” Even though the pain suffered by both men and women is similar, this act only protects women.

RESEARCH METHODOLOGY This research paper is based on contemporary events of crime that men face around the world, with domestic violence being a major concern as it is rarely talked about. For a better understanding of why domestic violence against men is so undervalued, one has to know the status of men in our society in past and present times. The facts in this research paper are taken from secondary sources like newspapers, journals, and websites. The secondary sources provided a thorough review of crimes that are taking place against men in our society.

REVIEW OF LITERATURE Kimmel M. in his book on ‘Male Victims of Domestic Violence’ said that domestic violence is one of the major problems and men also suffer from domestic violence at the hands of their wives or intimate partners. Domestic abuse against men has gained a lot of attention from groups, people, and campaigners in recent years as we witnessed the high-profile case of Hollywood actor Johnny Depp, who was a victim of domestic violence. It helped many other men raise their voices as they realized they are not alone in this fight.

It’s still a question why society can’t believe men can be victims of domestic violence; it’s not like any person would lie about such a critical topic. It is rather easy to believe when a woman says that she’s a victim of domestic violence. The answer to this is the status of men in our society: men are beasts while women are fragile flowers.

The worst part is that crimes against men not only include domestic violence, but there are also numerous other crimes as well. In some parts of India, a man with a good income is abducted and forced to marry someone he has never met. A few years ago, a similar incident involving an engineer in Bihar made national headlines. The then 29-year-old Vinod Kumar, a junior manager at Bokaro Steel Plant, was thrashed and forced to wed a woman in the Pandarak area in Patna.

Now, when men go to complain about the same, they get false charges of rape, dowry, and cruelty in return. This not only affects the individual but also his entire family ends up in jail. There are several incidents where the police do not register cases of men as they are busy sympathizing with women and hence send away people who came to register a case.

Reasons why cases go unregistered when victims are male There are several reasons for which men often suppress the pain they face. Maybe because they are afraid of being judged by others or maybe because they are scared of the consequences that will occur as a result of the complaint. Some of the reasons are mentioned here.

Stereotype against men: According to our society, men have the duty of protecting women as men are the epitome of power. They don’t cry; they are expected to be strong, aggressive, and bold. This is the reason why men can’t even express their emotions, let alone cry. If they cry or feel powerless, they are no longer men; they are little girls who can’t even control their feelings.

Fear of fake cases: For instance, a 22-year-old woman was arrested for allegedly falsely accusing two men of gang-raping her and extorting from them Rs. 2 lakhs for withdrawing her complaint. This is just an example of why men do not register cases against women. Generally, men are slapped with fake rape cases when they tell women about their intention to complain, and since Indian law protects women very closely, men have no chance of standing against women unless they are rich and powerful enough.

Our society plays a very important role in nurturing gender-biased laws since a child is born, resulting in discrimination against a particular gender. These societal pressures then move to families, and to protect the dignity of their family, one stays silent.

Denial: Meaning that domestic violence can only happen to a woman and women can never do such heinous acts. So, people never really talk about it. As a result, countless cases of violence against men remain hidden to such an extent that even family members are unaware.

Some forms of violence against men Domestic violence not only includes physical abuse but also emotional, verbal, sexual, and technological abuse. Here are some forms of violence against men.

• Physical abuse: When male partners suffer punches, hitting with objects, slaps from their spouses. It might also include the use of weapons or forced sleep deprivation. Physical abuses generally occur in isolation.
• Emotional abuse: Demanding to separate from his parents and family. Restricting him from meeting friends and family members.
• Verbal abuse: Always yelling, criticizing, and using derogatory names for her partner with the intention to hurt.
• Sexual abuse: Involves sexual intercourse without consent and threatening to file cases of rape and molestation after consensual sex.
• Technological abuse: Stalking male partners as well as stalking them on social media. Using male partner’s intimate photos or videos and circulating them on social media to blackmail and harass them.

Role of gender-biased laws Frankly, these gender-based laws have made women overpower that now they are abusing them. The law, which came with the objective of promoting and protecting women, is now being used as a tool to avenge against men. These laws are rigid, leading to stereotypical notions among society. There is no denying that men have traditionally acted violently against women. However, it does not offer an excuse for the lack of laws protecting men from this kind of mistreatment.

According to Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code 1860, only a man can be held liable for cruelty to his wife. There is no subsection or any provisions given in the statute that will make a woman liable for domestic violence. When men try to open up and report the torture and physical violence they are facing, no one listens to them, not even the police. Complaining about domestic violence by a man can often label him as ‘effeminate,’ and hence, they don’t go forward with it. Several surveys and studies show that a woman who is facing domestic violence will take no time to register a complaint under Section 498A, resulting in the husband and his entire family going to jail.

A decade ago, the Supreme Court of India declared misuse of Section 498A by women to be ‘legal terrorism.’ Unfortunately, laws for men’s protection are still far from being enacted.

A prime example is the story of actor Johnny Depp. The actor was involved in a high-profile defamation lawsuit against his ex-wife Amber Heard. The actor testified that Heard was the abuser in their relationship. He stated that she would often hit him and throw things at him. Depp filed a defamation suit against Heard for her article in the Washington Post that labeled Depp as an abuser. In a verdict passed on June 1, 2022, Depp won the case and the jury awarded Depp $10 million in compensatory damages and $5 million in punitive damages. In this case, justice was served, and it gave a new hope for men around the world who are victims of domestic violence.

CONCLUSION Women have always been considered the weaker sex. However, this assumption has led to an imbalance in society where men’s issues, especially concerning domestic violence, are neglected. Both men and women are entitled to live with dignity and respect, and neither should suffer abuse of any kind. There is a pressing need to acknowledge and address domestic violence against men, ensuring that laws evolve to protect all victims, regardless of gender.